I feel like writing in English now
Man I think my serotonine levels are really screwed up now... I've been moody for a while. Plus I forgot to take my meds this morning since I overslept again. I was going to wake up at 7 am because I figured that's when Cantr resets on this time zone but then I fell asleep again so I'm not sure if I calculated correctly. Anyway, I slept till 9:50 or something and was late from the class, but the teacher is nice, she just joked about my sleepiness... I was quite happy for the day, a little wild even - We went to an art museum and there was this installation of a room with a mirror.. but you cannot see yourself in the mirror. Because it's actually a window to another room constructed similar as the one you're in. So when I was alone in that room I climbed through the window and went to check what's behind the corner in the other side. (There was a hidden lamp so that it looks like there's light coming from an exit similar to the one in the public room.) You're not supposed to do that kinda stuff in an art exhibition! But anyway, it was damn funny, I kept chuckling for a long time after that, so that one classmate stopped to ask me what's so funny.
But then in the evening I met my support person probably for the last time, I'm getting another one because this old one lives too far away from my school. So they where both there, the old one and the new one. At first it went well but suddenly this anxiety starts building up inside me. We went to a gas station cafeteria to grab some snack, at that time I was literally frozen and the old support person was like is there something wrong with me... I just pointed what soda and pastry I want, then we went to the table. I read this gossip magazine there, seeing all the depressing stuff about celebrities and their oppressing husbands.. I just couldn't eat anymore. Getting tears in my eyes. Is there something wrong she asks? I just explain how I feel bad, I try not to cry but I can't help it, I don't want to throw away the pastry so they put it in a paper bag for me. I finished my soda and was almost alright again, though feeling down. We went back to my school, every once in a while I feel the sadness rising up, but I don't think I cried any more then. My old support person's husband came to pick her up (we were using the new lady's car) and he took a couple of pictures of us, I was smiling. But then when it was time to say goodbye I had to turn my back to her and really force the words come out. Later I send her sms telling I really wished I had a mother like her. -- This really much reminds me of the behaviour of one of my Cantr charries lately... So who's affecting who?
Posted by kuoletarkohtalo2
at 11:12 PM EEST